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It has been a few months into trying out the prospect of arranged marriage. The decision came with the desire to find a decent, understanding companion I could share my life with. At the outset, let me tell you the process of finding a suitable match in this structure requires a considerable investment of time and energy. So after much deliberation, I finally decided to take the plunge.
As an independent, working woman of today, why did I choose to do this? Not because of a lack of faith in the ability to fall in love organically but an inkling that perhaps sometimes love is not just enough.
The Mumbai-based matchmaker Sima Taparia delivers this meme-friendly one-liner in the seventh episode of the hit Netflix series Indian Matchmaking. But she departs from this well-worn model in her attention to one extra characteristic: caste. This silent shadow hangs over every luxurious living room she leads viewers into. She lumps an entire social system, which assigns people to a fixed place in a hierarchy from birth, together with anodyne physical preferences.
This prejudiced treatment includes, but is hardly limited to, workplace discrimination in the United States. For example, the state of California sued the tech company Cisco in June for allegedly failing to protect a Dalit employee from discrimination by his higher-caste Brahmin managers. When a popular show like Indian Matchmaking neglects this alarming fact of the Indian American experience, it quietly normalizes caste for a global audience.
Contrary to what some viewers might think, the caste system is an active form of discrimination that persists in India and within the Indian American diaspora. One of the primary functions of arranged marriage is maintaining this status quo. That explains why people in dominant castes often carry out brutal violence against their own family members who dare to marry outside their caste, particularly if a partner is Dalit. Last year, in Maharashtra, a father reportedly doused his daughter and her Dalit husband in kerosene and lit them on fire to condemn their intercaste marriage.
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The show follows the journey of a Mumbai-based matchmaker who arranges marriage alliances between wealthy families in India and the US. What is disconcerting is not simply the easy acceptance of social conservatism by the young and elderly, not the least by Indian diaspora in the United States. What stands out for Indians is the importance of marital status. Arranged marriages, the norm in India, are tightly bound within the caste of the bride and groom.
In crude forms like matrimonial websites, caste preferences are the main criteria, followed by physical appearance and salary potential. In covert forms, even individuals who choose their own partners, tend to self-censor their options within their own community and class.
Every reality show has at least one villain. As Sima and the show itself frequently remind us, arranged marriage is not quite the form of social control it used to be; everyone here emphasizes that they have the right to choose or refuse the matches presented to them. But as becomes especially clear when Sima works in India, that choice is frequently and rather roughly pressured by an anvil of social expectations and family duty.
In the most extreme case, a year-old prospective groom named Akshay Jakhete is practically bullied by his mother, Preeti, into choosing a bride.
By Shreeya Sinha. India now has more than 1, matchmaking sites, giving parents — and potential brides and grooms — thousands of choices to help arrange modern marriages while allowing families to adhere to longstanding traditions regarding caste and religion. We asked readers, some of whom only gave their first names, who have used such sites to share their tips.
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Sudha was disappointed when some of the men she met in person were not the way they presented themselves in their online photos and messages. Remember: ask for a few recent photos of your match without hats or sunglasses. Maanasa Kona has also been using Shaadi. All you will get is spam, and disappointment.
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In an age of dating apps and websites, finding love can feel a lot like full-time job—and that’s where Sima Taparia, the star of Netflix’s new reality show, comes in. Indian Matchmaking follows Taparia as she matches hopeful singles in the U. A so-called “marriage consultant,” Taparia relies on singles‘ said preferences, their parents’ preferences yep , and her years of matchmaking experience to set up successful couples.
During the series, the singles meet and see each other for the first time in the flesh. It’s like dating pre-internet and without all the fuss of swiping right and direct messaging. Get to know Sima Taparia and how she forged her name as a world-renowned matchmaker, as well as how she determines the price for her highly-coveted services—because we know a lot of viewers are curious!
When Murugavel Janakiraman found his future wife on the matchmaking website he established, he had to deliver his opening icebreaker to.
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Indian Matchmaking: Why I have finally decided to go for arranged marriage
Coronavirus: How Covid has changed the ‘big fat Indian wedding’. India’s richest family caps year of big fat weddings. A new Netflix show, Indian Matchmaking, has created a huge buzz in India, but many can’t seem to agree if it is regressive and cringe-worthy or honest and realistic, writes the BBC’s Geeta Pandey in Delhi.
In Indian Matchmaking, that villain is year-old Aparna Shewakramani, a prospective bride who’s critical of every man she meets and vocal.
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Indian Matchmaking: The ‘cringe-worthy’ Netflix show that is a huge hit
What influences our youth to set aside their enterprising, free-wheeling spirit to follow the well-trodden path of arranged marriages? Part of the answer lies in the deep socialisation process, which is woven into the fabric of the close-knit extended Indian family, and its rootedness in the larger network of society. The young too seem to believe in the cultural definition of marriage as a family affair, rather than an individual undertaking.
Harmony and shared values arising from common backgrounds are seen as more important than individual attraction. The common grounds provided by an arranged match — familiar customs, foods, relatives, incomes, etc — also helps in negotiating the dark thicket of matchmaking.
Indian Matchmaking, a new Netflix show, has become a huge hit, of professional matchmakers and hundreds of matrimonial websites have.
On Netflix’s “Indian Matchmaking,” marriage consultant Sima Taparia travels the world to meet with hopeful clients and help them find the perfect match for an arranged marriage. The format of the show is simple. Hopeful brides- and grooms-to-be meet with Taparia — often with their overbearing parents in tow — for an initial consultation.
Criteria are laid out, potential suitors are presented on paper, dates are arranged, and then it’s up to the couple to decide if it’s a match. In some respects, the producers should be commended. This is a show that turns away from the “big fat Indian wedding” trope and offers something fresh: a look at how some traditional-facing couples meet through the services of a professional matchmaker. The characters’ stories — as well as cringier moments — play out in entertaining ways, at times revealing the absurdities and awkwardness of matchmaking.
I laughed when, for example, Taparia sought the consultation of an astrologist and a face reader. Matchmaker Sima Taparia meets with hopeful clients. Credit: Netflix. At other points, the show presents brutal truths about Indian culture: the emphasis on being “fair”; the enormous pressure to wed; the focus on caste and class; the stigmatization of independent, working women.
But the show fails to contextualize or even question these problematic beliefs when they’re brought up by its characters, presenting them instead as the status quo. With that, Netflix missed an opportunity to challenge a social system fraught with cultural biases, and also educate a global audience on important nuances.
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Netflix show on India’s arranged marriages triggers online debate
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Right at the beginning of the Netflix hit show Indian Matchmaking, Or there are the matrimonial columns in newspapers and on websites, rife.
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